As part of getting sorted for the new year, I’ve been setting some goals. There’s all the stuff you might expect – stop substituting sugar for sleep, exercise more, finish the novel that’s on draft number five, apologise to those who read draft one and two… To help the process, I set up a spreadsheet […]
There’s no shortage of lists of the stuff that’s not so great about having a newborn. But now my second baby is one, and I’ll probably never have to go through all of the stretch marks and the labour pains and the newborn feeding dramas again, I can give you a list of some of […]
The woman in the shop warned: “This isn’t going to be an overnight miracle.” I must have had sleep deprivation plastered all over my face. When they first became available in this country, I remember thinking the idea of a Lulla doll was kind of sad. Kids who were desperate to share their parents’ beds […]
Both of my babies missed the memo about being meant to lose weight in the first few days after birth. Each put on 300g in the first week of their lives. It turned out they started as they meant to go on – they kept gaining weight apace through their first years. Although they were […]
Step one: Begin early. About 4pm, focus on appearing very tired. Give one-word answers to questions and gaze off into space at regular intervals. Step two: About 5pm, start complaining. If your parents ask you to do anything – at all – there’s no need to comply. Simply say “I’m tired”. Or whine. That’s fine, […]
Here’s a public service announcement. If you’re about to go and visit a friend with a new baby, there are a few things that you just should not say. Under no circumstances. Ever. All of these were said to me in the few weeks after my daughter was born almost nine months ago. Will you […]
Before I had kids, I didn’t have a whole lot to do with them. I thought they were cute when I passed them in the street, I attended baby showers and I visited friends with newborns. When my first was on the way, I assumed that a lot of what I would have to do […]
When is going to be truly cool to be a girl? I have two kids and I am trying hard not to let their lives be ruled by what other people think is appropriate for their genders. I’ve noticed some big differences, though, in how each are received when they stray from the norm. With […]
It’s the end of a rainy weekend. I estimate that over the past 48 hours, I have spent at least 20 trying to dream up ways to entertain two tiny tyrants. Through the course of this latest wintry endurance event, I have discovered some key things about playing with a three-year-old. The rules make no sense. […]
This afternoon, the small children I was holding, one on each hip, vomited on me at precisely the same time – like nauseous synchronised swimmers. Four years ago I would have run straight to the shower. Today I thought for a couple of minutes about whether I really needed to change my top. Being literally covered […]