20 things to know about having two kids

1. At some point, you will look at each other and say: “I think maybe we should put one back.”
2. It will probably be the older one.
3. No age gap is quite right.
4. Your older one will try to resume breastfeeding. Even if they are 8.
5. They will not sleep at the same time. Ever.
6. At some point, you’ll find yourself at 2am googling “how to get more energy”, “how not to be so grumpy” or “how to stay awake long enough to have sex”.
7. You will only see your husband as you pass each other in the middle of the night as one of you sneaks back to bed after comforting one child and the other sets off to calm the other.
8. Even if you promised yourself you’d savour each moment that much more this time round, it will go even faster with two kids.
9. You’ll probably forget where you put the baby at least once.
10. Your older one will develop a need to give the new one lots of cuddles. Very hard cuddles.
11. You’ll have to bite your lip to stop intervening and sound increasingly desperate as you say: “gentle with the baby, honey. Darling! HONEY!”
12. That one little sliver of time you get to yourself during the day at the moment? Totally gone.
13. You’ll discover one of your kids has weirdly shaped limbs. That or all the clothes you lovingly stored the first time around have magically shrunk.
14. Every time you try to get the small one off to sleep the older one will burst in with a torch, musical instrument or telescope.
15. Even if you’re staunchly anti-screens now, Peppa Pig, Maisie Mouse and Fireman Sam will be your new best friends.
16. You’ll wonder whether people who have big families are actually part machine.
17. Baby sensory, osteo, mainly music for the first one… but you have to remind yourself to dig out some rattles before the second one starts walking.
18. If you’ve got to that smug post-baby stage where you’re offering “what worked for me” advice to new mums, none of that will work this time around.
19. You might have been able to say down to the week how old your first child was but this time you’ll find your husband telling people that the baby is 10 weeks old for close to three months.
20. At some point they two of them will start giggling together and you’ll say: “are we sure we don’t want one more?”

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